When I was an adolescent trying to figure out what everything meant, I remember frequently encountering the phrase "pretender to the throne" in history books. I couldn't quite figure out the pretender part; as it turns out it has a slightly specialized definition. This is from the Britannica Dictionary: "someone who claims to have the right to a particular title or position (such as king or queen) when others do not agree." Hm--pretty dry. I mean, that bit about others not agreeing refers to wars in some cases; The Wars of the Roses come to mind, and that little thing called The Hundred Years' War was triggered by a thronal dispute. Some sources add that pretenders usually have at least a theoretical claim to the throne, being related to the royal line at some distance--third cousin, for example.
Okay--we're not dealing with the Middle Ages but with 2025 America. We wrote so much about the sins of the execrable Trump during his first term (I can't express how much I hoped I would never use that phrase) that one might think there is nothing left to say. Well, yes and no. Trump still lies, defrauds, obfuscates, inveigles, and deceives.
But does he pretend? Yes, in the broader sense. He claims to be the president of the United States, but there is nothing presidential about him. He may have snagged (legally?) enough votes to give him the title, but he is still nothing but another thuggish New York land developer who will do anything to anyone to stay atop the scrum.
Trump claimed victory by a landslide. That may be his first pretense of the post-election period. Both major candidates actually received less than 50% of the popular vote; 49.8% for Trump, 49.3% for Kamala Harris. The difference, 2,284,952 votes, or 0.5% of the total, does not a landslide make.
We all know that everything Trump does will be described in superlatives: best, biggest, fastest, greatest, perfect, etc. So any electoral victory, no matter how close, he will predictably hail as a landslide.
Another of Trump's pretenses is that he's a shrewd businessman, and so will be able to run the government like a business. That philosophy is at the heart of the weirdness called DOGE, which aims to reduce redundancies and bloat. That's where Trump has shown he has no knowledge of governmental processes. Not that our government doesn't have redundancies and bloat, it just doesn't have them to the degree he and Elon Musk are pretending.
Trump is, in fact, the very personification of the world's worst business leader. If I were to list even a small number of Trump's bad business practices this essay would rival a James Michener novel in length, so I'll just go with a few generalities spread over the Sultan of Shame's career: Six corporate bankruptcies; non-payment to innumerable contractors and others to whom money was owed, including Michael Cohen, his true-blue fixer until Trump unceremoniously tossed him under the bus; tax evasion for uncounted years; scam upon grift upon swindle, trying to peddle everything from Bibles to vodka, even while in the presidency;¹ phony philanthropy: the Trump Foundation existed only to fill his own coffers; and finally, from way back in 1973, while still in his 20s, Trump's real estate company was sued by the Department of Justice for redlining.
Had enough? No? OK, one more.
Trump recently announced the development of a monetary strategic reserve based on cryptocurrencies. Strategic reserves are ultra-safe holdings of materials important to the survival or well-being of a country, or even the world.
Examples in the U. S. are the National Strategic Petroleum Reserve and the United States Gold Reserve. During the Cold War the Soviet Union maintained a reserve of steam locomotives for use in case of a nuclear war.² In Europe there are reserves of seeds of (theoretically) every plant in the world, kept frozen in Scandinavia, and the Frozen Ark, which keeps viable cells and DNA of endangered animals.
Quick, now, what do all those things have in common?
Right. With no exception, every one of these and other similar reserves contain only tangible items. Crypto? Not so much, unless you want to spend a lot of time weighing subatomic particles.
The prefix crypto means "hidden," and cryptocurrencies are indeed hidden. They exist only as arcane algorithms in computers or stored in digital wallets. They have no intrinsic value and no physical form. Because they exist in digital environments they are subject to all the weaknesses of computers including hacking and EMP.
Some of you may remember a television series from around 2000 called "Dark Angel." The premise of the show's postapocalyptic setting is that terrorists have set off nuclear blasts in the world's money capitals, frying everything that relies on electricity to run--i.e. almost everything. So long, cryptocurrency.
Trump's pretense that he can protect the nation's wealth by creating a cryptocurrency reserve is getting mixed reviews from crypto nerds.
Given cryptocurrencies' frailness, I suggest hanging on to your Krugerrands. And there's one more reason: If Trump expects to propose a cryptocurrency as legal tender for the USofA, he should consider this first:
Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution gives Congress exclusive power "To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures;" and "To provide for the Punishment of counterfeiting the Securities and current Coin of the United States."
If I were a congressperson I think I would quickly get tired of Trump usurping my authority. Despite what some people who should know better have said, the executive branch of government is not and was never meant to be the most important.
Trump's pretenses are those things he says he can or will do, but which he actually cannot, either due to personal weakness, overreach, or prohibition by law. Now don't go sniggering about the law being weak and the Constitution being only a piece of paper just yet. Be strong and keep the faith.
---Diogenes, 4 March 2025
¹ The Constitution, Article II, Section 1, clause 7: "The President shall . . . not receive within that Period [of service] any other Emolument from the United States, or any of them." I do not know if this clause, known as the "domestic emoluments" clause, has generated any case law re: self promotion. Comments are welcome.
² This was a surprisingly good idea from the Soviets.