Excuses, excuses

Reasons not to wear a mask during the COVID-19 pandemic:

1. Trump says I don't have to.                  Trump lies. If he says you don't, it means you do.
2. It's uncomfortable.                                Tell me that when you're intubated so you can breathe.
3. My breath smells bad.                          Get a breath mint.
4. My emphysema makes it hard to breathe.     You're high risk. Go home.
5. The governor says I don't have to.       The governor is an idiot.
6. I can't drink with it on.                         Use a straw.
7. I don't like the way I look.                    Tell me that when you're lying in your casket.
8. None of my friends do.                          You know what your mother would say, don't you?
9. No one can make me.                           They can if you're in one of the states requiring it.*
10. My asthma makes it feel stuffy.            See answer #4.
11. I feel claustrophobic.                            Inhale deeply before putting it on; exhale slowly.
12. I'm healthy.                                            Look up the definition of "asymptomatic."
13. I can't smoke with it on.                       You can't smoke inside anyway, numbnuts.
14. I can't tie it behind my head.                 Get one that goes around your ears.
15. It hurts behind my ears.                         Give it time; you'll get calluses.
16. The pandemic is a hoax.                        Shall I call you an ambulance now?
17. I social distance; don't need one.           Get the hell away from me!
18. Sean Hannity says I don't need one.      See answer #5.
19. I cough and sneeze a lot from allergies.  All the better to be wearing one.
20. It's against my religion.                          I hope you're praying a lot.    

 ---Diogenes, 7/16/2020

* California, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Nevada, New York, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Carolina, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Virginia, Washington and West Virginia.