Reasons not to wear a mask during the COVID-19 pandemic:
- Trump says I don't have to. Trump lies. If he says you don't, it means you do.
- It's uncomfortable. Tell me that when you're intubated so you can breathe.
- My breath smells bad. Get a breath mint.
- My emphysema makes it hard to breathe. You're high risk. Go home.
- The governor says I don't have to. The governor is an idiot.
- I can't drink with it on. Use a straw.
- I don't like the way I look. Tell me that when you're lying in your casket.
- None of my friends do. You know what your mother would say, don't you?
- No one can make me. They can if you're in one of the states requiring it.*
- My asthma makes it feel stuffy. See answer #4.
- I feel claustrophobic. Inhale deeply before putting it on; exhale slowly.
- I'm healthy. Look up the definition of "asymptomatic."
- I can't smoke with it on. You can't smoke inside anyway, numbnuts.
- I can't tie it behind my head. Get one that goes around your ears.
- It hurts behind my ears. Give it time; you'll get calluses.
- The pandemic is a hoax. Shall I call you an ambulance now?
- I social distance; don't need one. Get the hell away from me!
- Sean Hannity says I don't need one. See answer #5.
- I cough and sneeze a lot from allergies. All the better to be wearing one.
- It's against my religion. I hope you're praying a lot.
* California, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Nevada, New York, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Carolina, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Virginia, Washington and West Virginia.